The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 1
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Enter a CARRIER with a lantern in his hand.
First Carrier
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Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll be
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hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and
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yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!
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Anon, anon.
First Carrier
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I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks
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in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out
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of all cess.
Second Carrier
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Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog,
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and that is the next way to give poor jades the
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bots: this house is turned upside down since Robin
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Ostler died.
First Carrier
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Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats
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rose; it was the death of him.
Second Carrier
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I think this be the most villanous house in all
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London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.
First Carrier
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Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a
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king christen could be better bit than I have been since
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the first cock.
Second Carrier
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Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we
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leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds
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fleas like a loach.
First Carrier
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What, ostler! come away and be hanged!
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come away.
Second Carrier
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I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger,
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to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.
First Carrier
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God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite
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starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou
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never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An
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'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate
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on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged!
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hast thou no faith in thee?
GADSHILL
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Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?
First Carrier
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I think it be two o'clock.
GADSHILL
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I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding
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in the stable.
First Carrier
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Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth
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two of that, i' faith.
GADSHILL
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I pray thee, lend me thine.
Second Carrier
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Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth
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he? marry, I'll see thee hanged first.
GADSHILL
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Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to
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come to London?
Second Carrier
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Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant
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thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the
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gentleman: they will along with company, for they
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have great charge.
GADSHILL
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What, ho! chamberlain!
Chamberlain
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At hand, quoth pick-purse.
GADSHILL
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That's even as fair asat hand, quoth the
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chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking
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of purses than giving direction doth from laboring;
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thou layest the plot how.
Chamberlain
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Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that
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I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the
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wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with
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him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his
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company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one
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that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what.
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They are up already, and call for eggs and butter;
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they will away presently.
GADSHILL
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Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas'
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clerks, I'll give thee this neck.
Chamberlain
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No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the
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hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas
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as truly as a man of falsehood may.
GADSHILL
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What talkest thou to me of the hangman?
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if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang,
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old Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no
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starveling. Tut! there are other Troyans that
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thou dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are
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content to do the profession some grace; that would, if
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matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake,
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make all whole. I am joined with no foot-land rakers,
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no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad
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mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; but with nobility
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and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers,
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such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than
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speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner
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than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie; for they pray
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continually to their saint, the commonwealth; or
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rather, not pray to her, but prey on her, for they ride
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up and down on her and make her their boots.
Chamberlain
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What, the commonwealth their boots? will she
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hold out water in foul way?
GADSHILL
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She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We
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steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the
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receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
Chamberlain
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Nay, by my faith, I think you are more
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beholding to the night than to fern-seed for your
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walking invisible.
GADSHILL
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Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our
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purchase, as I am a true man.
Chamberlain
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Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false
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thief.
GADSHILL
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Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid the
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ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,
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you muddy knave.