The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 2
Enter PRINCE, PETO, and [BARDOLPH, with]
POINS [following just behind].
POINS
1
Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
2
horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.
PRINCE HENRY
3
Stand close.
FALSTAFF
4
Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
PRINCE HENRY [Coming forward.]
5
Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost
6
thou keep!
FALSTAFF
7
Where's Poins, Hal?
PRINCE HENRY
8
He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll
9
go seek him.
FALSTAFF
10
I am accursed to rob in that thief's company:
11
the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I
12
know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier
13
further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt
14
not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging
15
for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his
16
company hourly any time this two and twenty years,
17
and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company.
18
If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me
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love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else: I have
20
drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you
21
both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot
22
further. An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to
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turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the
24
veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight
25
yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles
26
afoot with me;
and the stony-hearted villains know it
27
well enough:
a plague upon it when thieves cannot be
28
true one to another! (They whistle.) Whew! A plague
29
upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me
30
my horse, and be hanged!
PRINCE HENRY [Coming forward.]
31
Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close
32
to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread
33
of travellers.
FALSTAFF
34
Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?
35
'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot
36
again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
37
What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
PRINCE HENRY
38
Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art
39
uncolted.
FALSTAFF
40
I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
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good king's son.
PRINCE HENRY
42
Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?
FALSTAFF
43
Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
44
garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I
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have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy
46
tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest
47
is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.
FALSTAFF
49
So I do, against my will.
POINS [Coming forward with Bardolph and Peto.]
50
O, 'tis our setter: I
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know his voice. Bardolph, what
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news?
BARDOLPH
53
Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there 's
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money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going
55
to the king's exchequer.
FALSTAFF
56
You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's
57
tavern.
GADSHILL
58
There's enough to make us all.
PRINCE HENRY
60
Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane;
61
Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape
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from your encounter, then they light on us.
PETO
63
How many be there of them?
GADSHILL
64
Some eight or ten.
FALSTAFF
65
'Zounds, will they not rob us?
PRINCE HENRY
66
What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
FALSTAFF
67
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
68
but yet no coward, Hal.
PRINCE HENRY
69
Well, we leave that to the proof.
POINS
70
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:
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when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him.
72
Farewell, and stand fast.
FALSTAFF
73
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
PRINCE HENRY [Aside.]
74
Ned, where are our disguises?
POINS [Aside.]
75
Here, hard by: stand close.
FALSTAFF
76
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
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every man to his business.
First Traveller
78
Come, neighbor: the boy shall lead our
79
horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and
80
ease our legs.
Travellers
82
Jesus bless us!
FALSTAFF
83
Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:
84
ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they
85
hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.
Travellers
86
O, we are undone, both we and ours for
87
ever!
FALSTAFF
88
Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone?
89
No, ye fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On,
90
bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must
91
live. You are grandjurors, are ye? we'll jure ye,
92
'faith.
Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt.
Enter the HENRY and POINS [in buckram].
PRINCE HENRY
93
The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou
94
and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it
95
would be argument for a week, laughter for a month
96
and a good jest for ever.
POINS
97
Stand close; I hear them coming.
FALSTAFF
98
Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse
99
before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two
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arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's
101
no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.
PRINCE HENRY
102
Your money!
As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins
set upon them; they all run away, and Falstaff,
after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the
booty behind them.
PRINCE HENRY
104
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
105
The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear
106
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
107
Each takes his fellow for an officer.
108
Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
109
And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
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Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.
POINS
111
How the rogue roar'd!