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The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 2


           Enter PRINCE, PETO, and [BARDOLPH, with]
           POINS [following just behind].

      POINS
  1   Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
  2   horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.

      PRINCE HENRY
  3   Stand close.

           [They retire.]

           Enter FALSTAFF.

      FALSTAFF
  4   Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!

      PRINCE HENRY [Coming forward.]
  5   Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost
  6   thou keep!

      FALSTAFF
  7   Where's Poins, Hal?

      PRINCE HENRY
  8   He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll
  9   go seek him.

           [Retires.]

      FALSTAFF
 10   I am accursed to rob in that thief's company:
 11   the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I
 12   know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier
 13   further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt
 14   not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging
 15   for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his
 16   company hourly any time this two and twenty years,
 17   and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company.
 18   If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me
 19   love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else: I have
 20   drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you
 21   both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot
 22   further. An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to
 23   turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the
 24   veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight
 25   yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles
 26   afoot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it
 27   well enough: a plague upon it when thieves cannot be
 28   true one to another! (They whistle.) Whew! A plague
 29   upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me
 30   my horse, and be hanged!

      PRINCE HENRY [Coming forward.]
 31   Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close
 32   to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread
 33   of travellers.

      FALSTAFF
 34   Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?
 35   'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot
 36   again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
 37   What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?

      PRINCE HENRY
 38   Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art
 39   uncolted.

      FALSTAFF
 40   I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
 41   good king's son.

      PRINCE HENRY
 42   Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?

      FALSTAFF
 43   Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
 44   garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I
 45   have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy
 46   tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest
 47   is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.

           Enter GADSHILL.

      GADSHILL
 48   Stand.

      FALSTAFF
 49   So I do, against my will.

      POINS [Coming forward with Bardolph and Peto.]
 50   O, 'tis our setter: I
 51   know his voice. Bardolph, what
 52   news?

      BARDOLPH
 53   Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there 's
 54   money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going
 55   to the king's exchequer.

      FALSTAFF
 56   You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's
 57   tavern.

      GADSHILL
 58   There's enough to make us all.

      FALSTAFF
 59   To be hanged.

      PRINCE HENRY
 60   Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane;
 61   Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape
 62   from your encounter, then they light on us.

      PETO
 63   How many be there of them?

      GADSHILL
 64   Some eight or ten.

      FALSTAFF
 65   'Zounds, will they not rob us?

      PRINCE HENRY
 66   What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

      FALSTAFF
 67   Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
 68   but yet no coward, Hal.

      PRINCE HENRY
 69   Well, we leave that to the proof.

      POINS
 70   Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:
 71   when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him.
 72   Farewell, and stand fast.

      FALSTAFF
 73   Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.

      PRINCE HENRY [Aside.]
 74   Ned, where are our disguises?

      POINS [Aside.]
 75   Here, hard by: stand close.

           [Exeunt Henry and Poins.]

      FALSTAFF
 76   Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
 77   every man to his business.

           Enter the TRAVELLERS.

      First Traveller
 78   Come, neighbor: the boy shall lead our
 79   horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and
 80   ease our legs.

      Thieves
 81   Stand!

      Travellers
 82   Jesus bless us!

      FALSTAFF
 83   Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:
 84   ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they
 85   hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.

      Travellers
 86   O, we are undone, both we and ours for
 87   ever!

      FALSTAFF
 88   Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone?
 89   No, ye fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On,
 90   bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must
 91   live. You are grandjurors, are ye? we'll jure ye,
 92   'faith.

           Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt.

           Enter the HENRY and POINS [in buckram].

      PRINCE HENRY
 93   The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou
 94   and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it
 95   would be argument for a week, laughter for a month
 96   and a good jest for ever.

      POINS
 97   Stand close; I hear them coming.

           Enter the THIEVES again.

      FALSTAFF
 98   Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse
 99   before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two
100   arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's
101   no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.

      PRINCE HENRY
102   Your money!

      POINS
103   Villains!

           As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins
           set upon them; they all run away, and Falstaff,
           after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the
           booty behind them.

      PRINCE HENRY
104   Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
105   The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear
106   So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
107   Each takes his fellow for an officer.
108   Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
109   And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
110   Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.

      POINS
111   How the rogue roar'd!

           Exeunt.

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