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The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 4


           Enter PRINCE and POINS.

      PRINCE HENRY
  1   Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend
  2   me thy hand to laugh a little.

      POINS
  3   Where hast been, Hal?

      PRINCE HENRY
  4   With three or four loggerheads amongst three
  5   or four score hogsheads. I have sounded the
  6   very base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn
  7   brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all
  8   by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis.
  9   They take it already upon their salvation, that
 10   though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king of
 11   courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like
 12   Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy,
 13   by the Lord, so they call me, and when I am king of
 14   England, I shall command all the good lads in
 15   Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing scarlet;
 16   and when you breathe in your watering, they cry
 17   'hem!' and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so
 18   good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can
 19   drink with any tinker in his own language during
 20   my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honor,
 21   that thou wert not with me in this sweet action. But,
 22   sweet Ned,—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee
 23   this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my
 24   hand by an under-skinker, one that never spake other
 25   English in his life than 'Eight shillings and sixpence'
 26   and 'You are welcome,' with this shrill addition,
 27   'Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the
 28   Half-Moon,' or so. But, Ned, to drive away the
 29   time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in
 30   some by-room, while I question my puny drawer to
 31   what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never
 32   leave calling 'Francis,' that his tale to me may be nothing
 33   but 'Anon.' Step aside, and I'll show thee a precedent.

           [Exit Poins.]

      POINS [Within.]
 34   Francis!

      PRINCE HENRY
 35   Thou art perfect.

      POINS [Within.]
 36   Francis!

           Enter FRANCIS.

      FRANCIS
 37   Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the
 38   Pomgarnet, Ralph.

      PRINCE HENRY
 39   Come hither, Francis.

      FRANCIS
 40   My lord?

      PRINCE HENRY
 41   How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

      FRANCIS
 42   Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

      POINS [Within.]
 43   Francis!

      FRANCIS
 44   Anon, anon, sir.

      PRINCE HENRY
 45   Five year! by'r lady, a long lease for the clinking
 46   of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant
 47   as to play the coward with thy indenture and show
 48   it a fair pair of heels and run from it?

      FRANCIS
 49   O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the books in
 50   England, I could find in my heart.

      POINS [Within.]
 51   Francis!

      FRANCIS
 52   Anon, sir.

      PRINCE HENRY
 53   How old art thou, Francis?

      FRANCIS
 54   Let me see—about Michaelmas next I shall
 55   be—

      POINS [Within.]
 56   Francis!

      FRANCIS
 57   Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord.

      PRINCE HENRY
 58   Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou
 59   gavest me,'twas a pennyworth, was't not?

      FRANCIS
 60   O Lord, I would it had been two!

      PRINCE HENRY
 61   I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask
 62   me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

      POINS [Within.]
 63   Francis!

      FRANCIS
 64   Anon, anon.

      PRINCE HENRY
 65   Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but tomorrow, Francis;
 66   or, Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when
 67   thou wilt. But, Francis!

      FRANCIS
 68   My lord?

      PRINCE HENRY
 69   Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button,
 70   not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,
 71   smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,—

      FRANCIS
 72   O Lord, sir, who do you mean?

      PRINCE HENRY
 73   Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink;
 74   for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet
 75   will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

      FRANCIS
 76   What, sir?

      POINS [Within.]
 77   Francis!

      PRINCE HENRY
 78   Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them
 79   call?

           Here they both call him; the drawer
  **        stands amazed, not knowing which
           way to go.

           Enter VINTNER.

      Vintner
 80   What, standest thou still, and hearest such
 81   a calling? Look to the guests within.

           [Exit Francis.]

 82   My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen
 83   more, are at the door: shall I let them in?

      PRINCE HENRY
 84   Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.

           [Exit Vintner.]

 85   Poins!

      POINS [Within.]
 86   Anon, anon, sir.

           Enter POINS.

      PRINCE HENRY
 87   Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves
 88   are at the door: shall we be merry?

      POINS
 89   As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye;
 90   what cunning match have you made with this
 91   jest of the drawer? come, what's the issue?

      PRINCE HENRY
 92   I am now of all humours that have showed
 93   themselves humors since the old days of goodman
 94   Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock
 95   at midnight.

           [Enter FRANCIS hurrying
           across the stage with wine.]

 96   What's o'clock, Francis?

      FRANCIS
 97   Anon, anon, sir.

           [Exit.]

      PRINCE HENRY
 98   That ever this fellow should have fewer words than
 99   a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is
100   upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel
101   of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the
102   Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or
103   seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his
104   hands, and says to his wife 'Fie upon this quiet
105   life! I want work.' 'O my sweet Harry,' says she,
106   'how many hast thou killed to-day?' 'Give my
107   roan horse a drench,' says he; and answers
108   'Some fourteen,' an hour after; 'a trifle, a trifle.'
109   I prithee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and
110   that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer
111   his wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs,
112   call in tallow.

           Enter FALSTAFF, [GADSHILL, BARDOLPH,
           and PETO; FRANCIS following with wine].

      POINS
113   Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been?

      FALSTAFF
114   A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too!
115   marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I
116   lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend
117   them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!
118   Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue
119   extant?

           He drinketh.

      PRINCE HENRY
120   Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?
121   pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet
122   tale of the sun's! if thou didst, then behold that
123   compound.

      FALSTAFF
124   You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: there is
125   nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man:
126   yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime
127   in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack;
128   die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood,
129   be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I
130   a shotten herring. There live not three good men
131   unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and
132   grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say.
133   I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or
134   any thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still.

      PRINCE HENRY
135   How now, wool-sack! what mutter you?

      FALSTAFF
136   A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy
137   kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy
138   subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I'll
139   never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales!

      PRINCE HENRY
140   Why, you whoreson round man, what's the
141   matter?

      FALSTAFF
142   Are not you a coward? answer me to that:
143   and Poins there?

      POINS
144   'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me
145   coward, by the Lord, I'll stab thee.

      FALSTAFF
146   I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call
147   thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I
148   could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight
149   enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees
150   your back: call you that backing of your friends? A
151   plague upon such backing! give me them that will face
152   me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day.

      PRINCE HENRY
153   O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou
154   drunkest last.

      FALSTAFF
155   All's one for that.

           He drinketh.

156   A plague of all cowards, still say I.

      PRINCE HENRY
157   What's the matter?

      FALSTAFF
158   What's the matter! there be four of us here have
159   ta'en a thousand pound this day morning.

      PRINCE HENRY
160   Where is it, Jack? where is it?

      FALSTAFF
161   Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon
162   poor four of us.

      PRINCE HENRY
163   What, a hundred, man?

      FALSTAFF
164   I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a
165   dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scaped
166   by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the
167   doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut
168   through and through; my sword hacked like a
169   hand-saw—ecce signum! I never dealt better since
170   I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all
171   cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less
172   than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness.

      PRINCE HENRY
173   Speak, sirs; how was it?

      GADSHILL
174   We four set upon some dozen—

      FALSTAFF
175   Sixteen at least, my lord.

      GADSHILL
176   And bound them.

      PETO
177   No, no, they were not bound.

      FALSTAFF
178   You rogue, they were bound, every man of
179   them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.

      GADSHILL
180   As we were sharing, some six or seven
181   fresh men set upon us—

      FALSTAFF
182   And unbound the rest, and then come in
183   the other.

      PRINCE HENRY
184   What, fought you with them all?

      FALSTAFF
185   All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought
186   not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if
187   there were not two or three and fifty upon poor
188   old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

      PRINCE HENRY
189   Pray God you have not murdered some of
190   them.

      FALSTAFF
191   Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two
192   of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues
193   in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell
194   thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou
195   knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore
196   my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me—

      PRINCE HENRY
197   What, four? thou saidst but two even now.

      FALSTAFF
198   Four, Hal; I told thee four.

      POINS
199   Ay, ay, he said four.

      FALSTAFF
200   These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at
201   me. I made me no more ado but took all their
202   seven points in my target, thus.

      PRINCE HENRY
203   Seven? why, there were but four even now.

      FALSTAFF
204   In buckram?

      POINS
205   Ay, four, in buckram suits.

      FALSTAFF
206   Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

      PRINCE HENRY
207   Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more
208   anon.

      FALSTAFF
209   Dost thou hear me, Hal?

      PRINCE HENRY
210   Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

      FALSTAFF
211   Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine
212   in buckram that I told thee of—

      PRINCE HENRY
213   So, two more already.

      FALSTAFF
214   Their points being broken,—

      POINS
215   Down fell their hose.

      FALSTAFF
216   Began to give me ground: but I followed me close,
217   came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of
218   the eleven I paid.

      PRINCE HENRY
219   O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown
220   out of two!

      FALSTAFF
221   But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten
222   knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let
223   drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst
224   not see thy hand.

      PRINCE HENRY
225   These lies are like their father that begets them;
226   gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou
227   clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou
228   whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,—

      FALSTAFF
229   What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the
230   truth the truth?

      PRINCE HENRY
231   Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal
232   green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy
233   hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou
234   to this?

      POINS
235   Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

      FALSTAFF
236   What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an I were at the
237   strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would
238   not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on
239   compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries,
240   I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

      PRINCE HENRY
241   I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine
242   coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker,
243   this huge hill of flesh,—

      FALSTAFF
244   'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried
245   neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish!
246   O for breath to utter what is like thee! you
247   tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you
248   vile standing-tuck,—

      PRINCE HENRY
249   Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and
250   when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons,
251   hear me speak but this.

      POINS
252   Mark, Jack.

      PRINCE HENRY
253   We two saw you four set on four and bound them,
254   and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how
255   a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two
256   set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from
257   your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here
258   in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts
259   away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared
260   for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard
261   bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword
262   as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What
263   trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now
264   find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

      POINS
265   Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou
266   now?

      FALSTAFF
267   By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye.
268   Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the
269   heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince?
270   why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules:
271   but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the
272   true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now
273   a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of
274   myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant
275   lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord,
276   lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess,
277   clap to the doors: watch tonight, pray tomorrow.
278   Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles
279   of good fellowship come to you! What, shall
280   we be merry? shall we have a play extempore?

      PRINCE HENRY
281   Content; and the argument shall be thy
282   running away.

      FALSTAFF
283   Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!

           Enter HOSTESS.

      Hostess
284   O Jesu, my lord the prince!

      PRINCE HENRY
285   How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest
286   thou to me?

      Hostess
287   Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at
288   door would speak with you: he says he comes from
289   your father.

      PRINCE HENRY
290   Give him as much as will make him a royal
291   man, and send him back again to my mother.

      FALSTAFF
292   What manner of man is he?

      Hostess
293   An old man.

      FALSTAFF
294   What doth gravity out of his bed at
295   midnight? Shall I give him his answer?

      PRINCE HENRY
296   Prithee, do, Jack.

      FALSTAFF
297   'Faith, and I'll send him packing.

           Exit.

      PRINCE HENRY
298   Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair; so did you,
299   Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you
300   ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true
301   prince; no, fie!

      BARDOLPH
302   'Faith, I ran when I saw others run.

      PRINCE HENRY
303   'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's
304   sword so hacked?

      PETO
305   Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would
306   swear truth out of England but he would make you
307   believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do
308   the like.

      BARDOLPH
309   Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to
310   make them bleed, and then to beslubber our
311   garments with it and swear it was the blood
312   of true men. I did that I did not this seven year
313   before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.

      PRINCE HENRY
314   O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years
315   ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since
316   thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and
317   sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what
318   instinct hadst thou for it?

      BARDOLPH
319   My lord, do you see these meteors? do
320   you behold these exhalations?

      PRINCE HENRY
321   I do.

      BARDOLPH
322   What think you they portend?

      PRINCE HENRY
323   Hot livers and cold purses.

      BARDOLPH
324   Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.

      PRINCE HENRY
325   No, if rightly taken, halter.

           Enter FALSTAFF.

326   Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone.
327   How now, my sweet creature of bombast!
328   How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?

      FALSTAFF
329   My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I
330   was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have
331   crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of
332   sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder.
333   There's villanous news abroad: here was Sir John
334   Bracy from your father; you must to the court in
335   the morning. That same mad fellow of the north,
336   Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amamon the
337   bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore
338   the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a
339   Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?

      POINS
340   O, Glendower.

      FALSTAFF
341   Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law
342   Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that
343   sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'
344   horseback up a hill perpendicular,—

      PRINCE HENRY
345   He that rides at high speed and with
346   his pistol kills a sparrow flying.

      FALSTAFF
347   You have hit it.

      PRINCE HENRY
348   So did he never the sparrow.

      FALSTAFF
349   Well, that rascal hath good mettle
350   in him; he will not run.

      PRINCE HENRY
351   Why, what a rascal art thou then,
352   to praise him so for running!

      FALSTAFF
353   O' horseback, ye cuckoo; but
354   afoot he will not budge a foot.

      PRINCE HENRY
355   Yes, Jack, upon instinct.

      FALSTAFF
356   I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too,
357   and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps
358   more: Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy
359   father's beard is turned white with the news: you
360   may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.

      PRINCE HENRY
361   Why, then, it is like, if there come a hot June and
362   this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads
363   as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds.

      FALSTAFF
364   By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we
365   shall have good trading that way. But tell me,
366   Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? thou being
367   heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three
368   such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that
369   spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou
370   not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it?

      PRINCE HENRY
371   Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of
372   thy instinct.

      FALSTAFF
373   Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow
374   when thou comest to thy father: if thou love
375   me, practice an answer.

      PRINCE HENRY
376   Do thou stand for my father, and examine me
377   upon the particulars of my life.

      FALSTAFF
378   Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state, this
379   dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown.

      PRINCE HENRY
380   Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden
381   sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich
382   crown for a pitiful bald crown!

      FALSTAFF
383   Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee,
384   now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to
385   make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I
386   have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will
387   do it in King Cambyses' vein.

      PRINCE HENRY
388   Well, here is my leg.

      FALSTAFF
389   And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.

      Hostess
390   O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!

      FALSTAFF
391   Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain.

      Hostess
392   O, the father, how he holds his countenance!

      FALSTAFF
393   For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen;
394   For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes.

      Hostess
395   O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these
396   harlotry players as ever I see!

      FALSTAFF
397   Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain. Harry,
398   I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time,
399   but also how thou art accompanied: for though the
400   camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster it
401   grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the sooner
402   it wears. That thou art my son, I have partly thy
403   mother's word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly
404   a villanous trick of thine eye and a foolish-hanging
405   of thy nether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou
406   be son to me, here lies the point; why, being son to
407   me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of
408   heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? a
409   question not to be asked. Shall the son of England
410   prove a thief and take purses? a question to be asked.
411   There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard
412   of and it is known to many in our land by the name
413   of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth
414   defile; so doth the company thou keepest: for, Harry,
415   now I do not speak to thee in drink but in tears, not
416   in pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but
417   in woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom
418   I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his
419   name.

      PRINCE HENRY
420   What manner of man, an it
421   like your majesty?

      FALSTAFF
422   A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a
423   cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble carriage;
424   and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining
425   to three score; and now I remember me, his name is
426   Falstaff: if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth
427   me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the
428   tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the
429   tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue
430   in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish.
431   And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me,
432   where hast thou been this month?

      PRINCE HENRY
433   Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand
434   for me, and I'll play my father.

      FALSTAFF
435   Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so
436   majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up
437   by the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare.

      PRINCE HENRY
438   Well, here I am set.

      FALSTAFF
439   And here I stand: judge, my masters.

      PRINCE HENRY
440   Now, Harry, whence come you?

      FALSTAFF
441   My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

      PRINCE HENRY
442   The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

      FALSTAFF
443   'Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I'll
444   tickle ye for a young prince, i' faith.

      PRINCE HENRY
445   Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er
446   look on me. Thou art violently carried away from
447   grace: there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of
448   an old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why
449   dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that
450   bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of
451   dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed
452   cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with
453   the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey
454   iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?
455   Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink
456   it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon
457   and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein
458   crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, but in
459   all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?

      FALSTAFF
460   I would your grace would take me
461   with you: whom means your grace?

      PRINCE HENRY
462   That villanous abominable misleader of youth,
463   Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

      FALSTAFF
464   My lord, the man I know.

      PRINCE HENRY
465   I know thou dost.

      FALSTAFF
466   But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
467   were to say more than I know. That he is old, the
468   more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but
469   that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
470   that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault,
471   God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a
472   sin, then many an old host that I know is damned:
473   if to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine
474   are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto,
475   banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack
476   Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant
477   Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being, as
478   he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry's
479   company, banish not him thy Harry's company:
480   banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

      PRINCE HENRY
481   I do, I will.

           [A knocking heard. Exeunt Hostess, FRANCIS,
           and BARDOLPH.]

           Enter BARDOLPH, running.

      BARDOLPH
482   O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most
483   monstrous watch is at the door.

      FALSTAFF
484   Out, ye rogue! Play out the play: I have much to
485   say in the behalf of that Falstaff.

           Enter the HOSTESS.

      Hostess
486   O Jesu, my lord, my lord!

      PRINCE HENRY
487   Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a
488   fiddlestick: what's the matter?

      Hostess
489   The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they
490   are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?

      FALSTAFF
491   Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of
492   gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially made,
493   without seeming so.

      PRINCE HENRY
494   And thou a natural coward, without instinct.

      FALSTAFF
495   I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff,
496   so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart
497   as well as another man, a plague on my bringing
498   up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a
499   halter as another.

      PRINCE HENRY
500   Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up
501   above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good
502   conscience.

      FALSTAFF
503   Both which I have had: but their date is out, and
504   therefore I'll hide me.

           [Exit.]

      PRINCE HENRY
505   Call in the sheriff.

           [Exeunt all except the Prince and Peto.]

           Enter SHERIFF and the CARRIER.

506   Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me?

      Sheriff
507   First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
508   Hath follow'd certain men unto this house.

      PRINCE HENRY
509   What men?

      Sheriff
510   One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
511   A gross fat man.

      Carrier
511                           As fat as butter.

      PRINCE HENRY
512   The man, I do assure you, is not here;
513   For I myself at this time have employ'd him.
514   And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
515   That I will, by tomorrow dinner-time,
516   Send him to answer thee, or any man,
517   For any thing he shall be charged withal:
518   And so let me entreat you leave the house.

      Sheriff
519   I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
520   Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

      PRINCE HENRY
521   It may be so: if he have robb'd these men,
522   He shall be answerable; and so farewell.

      Sheriff
523   Good night, my noble lord.

      PRINCE HENRY
524   I think it is good morrow, is it not?

      Sheriff
525   Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.

           Exit [with Carrier].

      PRINCE HENRY
526   This oily rascal is known as well
527   as Paul's. Go, call him forth.

      PETO
528   Falstaff!—Fast asleep behind the
529   arras, and snorting like a horse.

      PRINCE HENRY
530   Hark, how hard he fetches breath.
531   Search his pockets.

           He searcheth his pockets,
           and findeth certain papers.

532   What hast thou found?

      PETO
533   Nothing but papers, my lord.

      PRINCE HENRY
534   Let's see what they be: read them.

      PETO
           [Reads.]
535        Item, A capon, . . . 2s. 2d.
536        Item, Sauce, . . . 4d.
537        Item, Sack, two gallons, . . . 5s. 8d.
538        Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, . . . 2s. 6d.
539        Item, Bread, . . . ob.

      PRINCE HENRY
540   O monstrous! but one half-penny-worth of bread
541   to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else,
542   keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there
543   let him sleep till day. I'll to the court in the morning.
544   We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be
545   honorable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of
546   foot; and I know his death will be a march of
547   twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again
548   with advantage. Be with me betimes in the
549   morning; and so, good morrow, Peto.

      PETO
550   Good morrow, good my lord.

           Exeunt.

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