The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 4
PRINCE HENRY
1
Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend
2
me thy hand to laugh a little.
PRINCE HENRY
4
With three or four loggerheads amongst three
5
or four score hogsheads. I have sounded the
6
very base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn
7
brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all
8
by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis.
9
They take it already upon their salvation, that
10
though I be but the prince of Wales, yet I am king of
11
courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like
12
Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy,
13
by the Lord, so they call me, and when I am king of
14
England, I shall command all the good lads in
15
Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dyeing scarlet;
16
and when you breathe in your watering, they cry
17
'hem!' and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so
18
good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can
19
drink with any tinker in his own language during
20
my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honor,
21
that thou wert not with me in this sweet action. But,
22
sweet Ned,to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee
23
this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my
24
hand by an under-skinker, one that never spake other
25
English in his life than 'Eight shillings and sixpence'
26
and 'You are welcome,' with this shrill addition,
27
'Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the
28
Half-Moon,' or so. But, Ned, to drive away the
29
time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in
30
some by-room, while I question my puny drawer to
31
what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never
32
leave calling 'Francis,' that his tale to me may be nothing
33
but 'Anon.' Step aside, and I'll show thee a precedent.
POINS [Within.]
34
Francis!
PRINCE HENRY
35
Thou art perfect.
POINS [Within.]
36
Francis!
FRANCIS
37
Anon, anon, sir. Look down into the
38
Pomgarnet, Ralph.
PRINCE HENRY
39
Come hither, Francis.
PRINCE HENRY
41
How long hast thou to serve, Francis?
FRANCIS
42
Forsooth, five years, and as much as to
POINS [Within.]
43
Francis!
PRINCE HENRY
45
Five year! by'r lady, a long lease for the clinking
46
of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant
47
as to play the coward with thy indenture and show
48
it a fair pair of heels and run from it?
FRANCIS
49
O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the books in
50
England, I could find in my heart.
POINS [Within.]
51
Francis!
PRINCE HENRY
53
How old art thou, Francis?
FRANCIS
54
Let me seeabout Michaelmas next I shall
55
be
POINS [Within.]
56
Francis!
FRANCIS
57
Anon, sir. Pray stay a little, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY
58
Nay, but hark you, Francis: for the sugar thou
59
gavest me,'twas a pennyworth, was't not?
FRANCIS
60
O Lord, I would it had been two!
PRINCE HENRY
61
I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask
62
me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.
POINS [Within.]
63
Francis!
PRINCE HENRY
65
Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but tomorrow, Francis;
66
or, Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when
67
thou wilt. But, Francis!
PRINCE HENRY
69
Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button,
70
not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,
71
smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,
FRANCIS
72
O Lord, sir, who do you mean?
PRINCE HENRY
73
Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink;
74
for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet
75
will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.
POINS [Within.]
77
Francis!
PRINCE HENRY
78
Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them
79
call?
Here they both call him; the drawer
**
stands amazed, not knowing which
way to go.
Vintner
80
What, standest thou still, and hearest such
81
a calling? Look to the guests within.
82
My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen
83
more, are at the door: shall I let them in?
PRINCE HENRY
84
Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
85
Poins!
POINS [Within.]
86
Anon, anon, sir.
PRINCE HENRY
87
Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves
88
are at the door: shall we be merry?
POINS
89
As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye;
90
what cunning match have you made with this
91
jest of the drawer? come, what's the issue?
PRINCE HENRY
92
I am now of all humours that have showed
93
themselves humors since the old days of goodman
94
Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock
95
at midnight.
[Enter FRANCIS hurrying
across the stage with wine.]
96
What's o'clock, Francis?
PRINCE HENRY
98
That ever this fellow should have fewer words than
99
a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is
100
upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel
101
of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the
102
Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or
103
seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his
104
hands, and says to his wife 'Fie upon this quiet
105
life! I want work.' 'O my sweet Harry,' says she,
106
'how many hast thou killed to-day?' 'Give my
107
roan horse a drench,' says he; and answers
108
'Some fourteen,' an hour after; 'a trifle, a trifle.'
109
I prithee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and
110
that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer
111
his wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs,
112
call in tallow.
Enter FALSTAFF, [GADSHILL, BARDOLPH,
and PETO; FRANCIS following with wine].
POINS
113
Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been?
FALSTAFF
114
A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too!
115
marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I
116
lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend
117
them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!
118
Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue
119
extant?
PRINCE HENRY
120
Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?
121
pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet
122
tale of the sun's! if thou didst, then behold that
123
compound.
FALSTAFF
124
You rogue, here's lime in this sack too: there is
125
nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man:
126
yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime
127
in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack;
128
die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood,
129
be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I
130
a shotten herring. There live not three good men
131
unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and
132
grows old: God help the while! a bad world, I say.
133
I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or
134
any thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still.
PRINCE HENRY
135
How now, wool-sack! what mutter you?
FALSTAFF
136
A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy
137
kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy
138
subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I'll
139
never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales!
PRINCE HENRY
140
Why, you whoreson round man, what's the
141
matter?
FALSTAFF
142
Are not you a coward? answer me to that:
143
and Poins there?
POINS
144
'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me
145
coward, by the Lord, I'll stab thee.
FALSTAFF
146
I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call
147
thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound I
148
could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight
149
enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees
150
your back: call you that backing of your friends? A
151
plague upon such backing! give me them that will face
152
me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day.
PRINCE HENRY
153
O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou
154
drunkest last.
FALSTAFF
155
All's one for that.
156
A plague of all cowards, still say I.
PRINCE HENRY
157
What's the matter?
FALSTAFF
158
What's the matter! there be four of us here have
159
ta'en a thousand pound this day morning.
PRINCE HENRY
160
Where is it, Jack? where is it?
FALSTAFF
161
Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon
162
poor four of us.
PRINCE HENRY
163
What, a hundred, man?
FALSTAFF
164
I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a
165
dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scaped
166
by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the
167
doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut
168
through and through; my sword hacked like a
169
hand-sawecce signum! I never dealt better since
170
I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all
171
cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less
172
than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness.
PRINCE HENRY
173
Speak, sirs; how was it?
GADSHILL
174
We four set upon some dozen
FALSTAFF
175
Sixteen at least, my lord.
PETO
177
No, no, they were not bound.
FALSTAFF
178
You rogue, they were bound, every man of
179
them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.
GADSHILL
180
As we were sharing, some six or seven
181
fresh men set upon us
FALSTAFF
182
And unbound the rest, and then come in
183
the other.
PRINCE HENRY
184
What, fought you with them all?
FALSTAFF
185
All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought
186
not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if
187
there were not two or three and fifty upon poor
188
old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.
PRINCE HENRY
189
Pray God you have not murdered some of
190
them.
FALSTAFF
191
Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two
192
of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues
193
in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell
194
thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou
195
knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore
196
my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me
PRINCE HENRY
197
What, four? thou saidst but two even now.
FALSTAFF
198
Four, Hal; I told thee four.
POINS
199
Ay, ay, he said four.
FALSTAFF
200
These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at
201
me. I made me no more ado but took all their
202
seven points in my target, thus.
PRINCE HENRY
203
Seven? why, there were but four even now.
POINS
205
Ay, four, in buckram suits.
FALSTAFF
206
Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
PRINCE HENRY
207
Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more
208
anon.
FALSTAFF
209
Dost thou hear me, Hal?
PRINCE HENRY
210
Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.
FALSTAFF
211
Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine
212
in buckram that I told thee of
PRINCE HENRY
213
So, two more already.
FALSTAFF
214
Their points being broken,
POINS
215
Down fell their hose.
FALSTAFF
216
Began to give me ground: but I followed me close,
217
came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of
218
the eleven I paid.
PRINCE HENRY
219
O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown
220
out of two!
FALSTAFF
221
But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten
222
knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let
223
drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst
224
not see thy hand.
PRINCE HENRY
225
These lies are like their father that begets them;
226
gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou
227
clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou
228
whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,
FALSTAFF
229
What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the
230
truth the truth?
PRINCE HENRY
231
Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal
232
green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy
233
hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou
234
to this?
POINS
235
Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
FALSTAFF
236
What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an I were at the
237
strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would
238
not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on
239
compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries,
240
I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.
PRINCE HENRY
241
I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine
242
coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker,
243
this huge hill of flesh,
FALSTAFF
244
'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried
245
neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish!
246
O for breath to utter what is like thee! you
247
tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you
248
vile standing-tuck,
PRINCE HENRY
249
Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and
250
when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons,
251
hear me speak but this.
PRINCE HENRY
253
We two saw you four set on four and bound them,
254
and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how
255
a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two
256
set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from
257
your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here
258
in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts
259
away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared
260
for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard
261
bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword
262
as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What
263
trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now
264
find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
POINS
265
Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou
266
now?
FALSTAFF
267
By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye.
268
Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the
269
heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince?
270
why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules:
271
but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the
272
true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now
273
a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of
274
myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant
275
lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord,
276
lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess,
277
clap to the doors: watch tonight, pray tomorrow.
278
Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles
279
of good fellowship come to you! What, shall
280
we be merry? shall we have a play extempore?
PRINCE HENRY
281
Content; and the argument shall be thy
282
running away.
FALSTAFF
283
Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!
Hostess
284
O Jesu, my lord the prince!
PRINCE HENRY
285
How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest
286
thou to me?
Hostess
287
Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at
288
door would speak with you: he says he comes from
289
your father.
PRINCE HENRY
290
Give him as much as will make him a royal
291
man, and send him back again to my mother.
FALSTAFF
292
What manner of man is he?
FALSTAFF
294
What doth gravity out of his bed at
295
midnight? Shall I give him his answer?
PRINCE HENRY
296
Prithee, do, Jack.
FALSTAFF
297
'Faith, and I'll send him packing.
PRINCE HENRY
298
Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair; so did you,
299
Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you
300
ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true
301
prince; no, fie!
BARDOLPH
302
'Faith, I ran when I saw others run.
PRINCE HENRY
303
'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's
304
sword so hacked?
PETO
305
Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would
306
swear truth out of England but he would make you
307
believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do
308
the like.
BARDOLPH
309
Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to
310
make them bleed, and then to beslubber our
311
garments with it and swear it was the blood
312
of true men. I did that I did not this seven year
313
before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.
PRINCE HENRY
314
O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years
315
ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since
316
thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and
317
sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: what
318
instinct hadst thou for it?
BARDOLPH
319
My lord, do you see these meteors? do
320
you behold these exhalations?
PRINCE HENRY
321
I do.
BARDOLPH
322
What think you they portend?
PRINCE HENRY
323
Hot livers and cold purses.
BARDOLPH
324
Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.
PRINCE HENRY
325
No, if rightly taken, halter.
326
Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone.
327
How now, my sweet creature of bombast!
328
How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?
FALSTAFF
329
My own knee! when I was about thy years, Hal, I
330
was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have
331
crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: a plague of
332
sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder.
333
There's villanous news abroad: here was Sir John
334
Bracy from your father; you must to the court in
335
the morning. That same mad fellow of the north,
336
Percy, and he of Wales, that gave Amamon the
337
bastinado and made Lucifer cuckold and swore
338
the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a
339
Welsh hookwhat a plague call you him?
FALSTAFF
341
Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law
342
Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that
343
sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'
344
horseback up a hill perpendicular,
PRINCE HENRY
345
He that rides at high speed and with
346
his pistol kills a sparrow flying.
PRINCE HENRY
348
So did he never the sparrow.
FALSTAFF
349
Well, that rascal hath good mettle
350
in him; he will not run.
PRINCE HENRY
351
Why, what a rascal art thou then,
352
to praise him so for running!
FALSTAFF
353
O' horseback, ye cuckoo; but
354
afoot he will not budge a foot.
PRINCE HENRY
355
Yes, Jack, upon instinct.
FALSTAFF
356
I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too,
357
and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps
358
more: Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy
359
father's beard is turned white with the news: you
360
may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.
PRINCE HENRY
361
Why, then, it is like, if there come a hot June and
362
this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads
363
as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds.
FALSTAFF
364
By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is like we
365
shall have good trading that way. But tell me,
366
Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? thou being
367
heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three
368
such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that
369
spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou
370
not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it?
PRINCE HENRY
371
Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of
372
thy instinct.
FALSTAFF
373
Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow
374
when thou comest to thy father: if thou love
375
me, practice an answer.
PRINCE HENRY
376
Do thou stand for my father, and examine me
377
upon the particulars of my life.
FALSTAFF
378
Shall I? content: this chair shall be my state, this
379
dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown.
PRINCE HENRY
380
Thy state is taken for a joined-stool, thy golden
381
sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich
382
crown for a pitiful bald crown!
FALSTAFF
383
Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee,
384
now shalt thou be moved. Give me a cup of sack to
385
make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I
386
have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will
387
do it in King Cambyses' vein.
PRINCE HENRY
388
Well, here is my leg.
FALSTAFF
389
And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.
Hostess
390
O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!
FALSTAFF
391
Weep not, sweet queen; for trickling tears are vain.
Hostess
392
O, the father, how he holds his countenance!
FALSTAFF
393
For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful queen;
394
For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes.
Hostess
395
O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these
396
harlotry players as ever I see!
FALSTAFF
397
Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain. Harry,
398
I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time,
399
but also how thou art accompanied: for though the
400
camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster it
401
grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted the sooner
402
it wears. That thou art my son, I have partly thy
403
mother's word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly
404
a villanous trick of thine eye and a foolish-hanging
405
of thy nether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou
406
be son to me, here lies the point; why, being son to
407
me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of
408
heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? a
409
question not to be asked. Shall the son of England
410
prove a thief and take purses? a question to be asked.
411
There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard
412
of and it is known to many in our land by the name
413
of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth
414
defile; so doth the company thou keepest: for, Harry,
415
now I do not
speak to thee in drink but in tears, not
416
in pleasure but in passion, not in words only, but
417
in woes also: and yet there is a virtuous man whom
418
I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his
419
name.
PRINCE HENRY
420
What manner of man, an it
421
like your majesty?
FALSTAFF
422
A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a
423
cheerful look, a pleasing eye and a most noble carriage;
424
and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining
425
to three score; and now I remember me, his name is
426
Falstaff: if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth
427
me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the
428
tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the
429
tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue
430
in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish.
431
And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me,
432
where hast thou been this month?
PRINCE HENRY
433
Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand
434
for me, and I'll play my father.
FALSTAFF
435
Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so
436
majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up
437
by the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter's hare.
PRINCE HENRY
438
Well, here I am set.
FALSTAFF
439
And here I stand: judge, my masters.
PRINCE HENRY
440
Now, Harry, whence come you?
FALSTAFF
441
My noble lord, from Eastcheap.
PRINCE HENRY
442
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.
FALSTAFF
443
'Sblood, my lord, they are false: nay, I'll
444
tickle ye for a young prince, i' faith.
PRINCE HENRY
445
Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er
446
look on me. Thou art violently carried away from
447
grace: there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of
448
an old fat man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why
449
dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that
450
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of
451
dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed
452
cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with
453
the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey
454
iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?
455
Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink
456
it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon
457
and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein
458
crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous, but in
459
all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?
FALSTAFF
460
I would your grace would take me
461
with you: whom means your grace?
PRINCE HENRY
462
That villanous abominable misleader of youth,
463
Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.
FALSTAFF
464
My lord, the man I know.
PRINCE HENRY
465
I know thou dost.
FALSTAFF
466
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
467
were to say more than I know. That he is old, the
468
more the pity, his white hairs do witness it; but
469
that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
470
that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault,
471
God help the wicked! if to be old and merry be a
472
sin, then many an old host that I know is damned:
473
if to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine
474
are to be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto,
475
banish Bardolph, banish Poins: but for sweet Jack
476
Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant
477
Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being, as
478
he is, old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry's
479
company, banish not him thy Harry's company:
480
banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.
PRINCE HENRY
481
I do, I will.
[A knocking heard. Exeunt Hostess, FRANCIS,
and BARDOLPH.]
BARDOLPH
482
O, my lord, my lord! the sheriff with a most
483
monstrous watch is at the door.
FALSTAFF
484
Out, ye rogue! Play out the play: I have much to
485
say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
Hostess
486
O Jesu, my lord, my lord!
PRINCE HENRY
487
Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a
488
fiddlestick: what's the matter?
Hostess
489
The sheriff and all the watch are at the door: they
490
are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?
FALSTAFF
491
Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of
492
gold a counterfeit: thou art essentially made,
493
without seeming so.
PRINCE HENRY
494
And thou a natural coward, without instinct.
FALSTAFF
495
I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff,
496
so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart
497
as well as another man, a plague on my bringing
498
up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a
499
halter as another.
PRINCE HENRY
500
Go, hide thee behind the arras: the rest walk up
501
above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good
502
conscience.
FALSTAFF
503
Both which I have had: but their date is out, and
504
therefore I'll hide me.
PRINCE HENRY
505
Call in the sheriff.
[Exeunt all except the Prince and Peto.]
Enter SHERIFF and the CARRIER.
506
Now, master sheriff, what is your will with me?
Sheriff
507
First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
508
Hath follow'd certain men unto this house.
PRINCE HENRY
509
What men?
Sheriff
510
One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
511
A gross fat man.
PRINCE HENRY
512
The man, I do assure you, is not here;
513
For I myself at this time have employ'd him.
514
And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
515
That I will, by tomorrow dinner-time,
516
Send him to answer thee, or any man,
517
For any thing he shall be charged withal:
518
And so let me entreat you leave the house.
Sheriff
519
I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
520
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
PRINCE HENRY
521
It may be so: if he have robb'd these men,
522
He shall be answerable; and so farewell.
Sheriff
523
Good night, my noble lord.
PRINCE HENRY
524
I think it is good morrow, is it not?
Sheriff
525
Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.
PRINCE HENRY
526
This oily rascal is known as well
527
as Paul's. Go, call him forth.
PETO
528
Falstaff!Fast asleep behind the
529
arras, and snorting like a horse.
PRINCE HENRY
530
Hark, how hard he fetches breath.
531
Search his pockets.
He searcheth his pockets,
and findeth certain papers.
532
What hast thou found?
PETO
533
Nothing but papers, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY
534
Let's see what they be: read them.
PETO
[Reads.]
535
Item, A capon, . . . 2s. 2d.
536
Item, Sauce, . . . 4d.
537
Item, Sack, two gallons, . . . 5s. 8d.
538
Item, Anchovies and sack after supper, . . . 2s. 6d.
539
Item, Bread, . . . ob.
PRINCE HENRY
540
O monstrous! but one half-penny-worth of bread
541
to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else,
542
keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there
543
let him sleep till day. I'll to the court in the morning.
544
We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be
545
honorable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of
546
foot; and I know his death will be a march of
547
twelve-score. The money shall be paid back again
548
with advantage. Be with me betimes in the
549
morning; and so, good morrow, Peto.
PETO
550
Good morrow, good my lord.