As You Like It: Act 5, Scene 1



           Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.

      TOUCHSTONE
  1   We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle
  2   Audrey.

      AUDREY
  3   Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the
  4   old gentleman's saying.

      TOUCHSTONE
  5   A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile
  6   Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in
  7   the forest lays claim to you.

      AUDREY
  8   Ay, I know who 'tis; he hath no interest in me
  9   in the world: here comes the man you mean.

           Enter WILLIAM.

      TOUCHSTONE
 10   It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by my
 11   troth, we that have good wits have much to
 12   answer for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.

      WILLIAM
 13   Good ev'n, Audrey.

      AUDREY
 14   God ye good ev'n, William.

      WILLIAM
 15   And good ev'n to you, sir.

      TOUCHSTONE
 16   Good ev'n, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover
 17   thy head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are
 18   you, friend?

      WILLIAM
 19   Five and twenty, sir.

      TOUCHSTONE
 20   A ripe age. Is thy name William?

      WILLIAM
 21   William, sir.

      TOUCHSTONE
 22   A fair name. Wast born i' the forest here?

      WILLIAM
 23   Ay, sir, I thank God.

      TOUCHSTONE
 24   'Thank God;' a good answer. Art rich?

      WILLIAM
 25   Faith, sir, so so.

      TOUCHSTONE
 26   'So so' is good, very good, very excellent
 27   good; and yet it is not; it is but so so. Art
 28   thou wise?

      WILLIAM
 29   Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.

      TOUCHSTONE
 30   Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying,
 31   'The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man
 32   knows himself to be a fool.' The heathen
 33   philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape,
 34   would open his lips when he put it into his mouth;
 35   meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and
 36   lips to open. You do love this maid?

      WILLIAM
 37   I do, sir.

      TOUCHSTONE
 38   Give me your hand. Art thou learned?

      WILLIAM
 39   No, sir.

      TOUCHSTONE
 40   Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it
 41   is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out
 42   of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty
 43   the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse
 44   is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.

      WILLIAM
 45   Which he, sir?

      TOUCHSTONE
 46   He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you
 47   clown, abandon—which is in the vulgar leave—the
 48   society—which in the boorish is company—of this
 49   female—which in the common is woman; which
 50   together is, abandon the society of this female, or,
 51   clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding,
 52   diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make thee away, translate
 53   thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage: I will
 54   deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel;
 55   I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee
 56   with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways:
 57   therefore tremble and depart.

      AUDREY
 58   Do, good William.

      WILLIAM
 59   God rest you merry, sir.

           Exit [William].

           Enter CORIN.

      CORIN
 60   Our master and mistress seeks you; come,
 61   away, away!

      TOUCHSTONE
 62   Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.

           Exeunt.