* Enter two CLOWNS. Full Summary
First Clown
1 Is she to be buried in Christian burial that
2 willfully seeks her own salvation?
Second Clown
3 I tell thee she is: and therefore make her grave
4 straight: the crowner hath sat on her, and finds it
5 Christian burial.
First Clown
6 How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her
7 own defence?
Second Clown
8 Why, 'tis found so.
First Clown
9 It must be "se offendendo"; it cannot be else.
10 For here lies the point: if I drown myself wittingly,
11 it argues an act: and an act hath three branches: it
12 is, to act, to do, to perform: argal, she drowned
13 herself wittingly.
Second Clown
14 Nay, but hear you, goodman delver—
First Clown
15 Give me leave. Here lies the water; good: here
16 stands the man; good; if the man go to this water,
17 and drown himself, it is, will he, nill he, he
18 goes—mark you that; but if the water come to him
19 and drown him, he drowns not himself: argal, he
20 that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life.
Second Clown
21 But is this law?
First Clown
22 Ay, marry, is't; crowner's quest law.
Second Clown
23 Will you ha' the truth on't? If this had not been
24 a gentlewoman, she should have been buried out o'
25 Christian burial.
First Clown
26 Why, there thou say'st: and the more pity that great
27 folk should have countenance in this world to drown
28 or hang themselves, more than their even-Christian.
29 Come, my spade. There is no ancient gentleman
30 but gardeners, ditchers, and grave-makers: they
31 hold up Adam's profession.
Second Clown
32 Was he a gentleman?
First Clown
33 He was the first that ever bore arms.
Second Clown
34 Why, he had none.
First Clown
35 What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the
36 Scripture? The Scripture says Adam digged:
37 could he dig without arms? I'll put another
38 question to thee: if thou answerest me not to the
39 purpose, confess thyself—
Second Clown
40 Go to.
First Clown
41 What is he that builds stronger than either the
42 mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?
Second Clown
43 The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a
44 thousand tenants.
First Clown
45 I like thy wit well, in good faith: the gallows
46 does well; but how does it well? it does well to
47 those that do ill: now thou dost ill to say the
48 gallows is built stronger than the church: argal,
49 the gallows may do well to thee. To't again, come.
Second Clown
50 Who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or
51 a carpenter?
First Clown
52 Ay, tell me that, and unyoke.
Second Clown
53 Marry, now I can tell.
First Clown
54 To't.
Second Clown
55 Mass, I cannot tell.
Enter HAMLET and HORATIO [at a distance]. Full Summary
First Clown
56 Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull
57 ass will not mend his pace with beating; and, when
58 you are asked this question next, say "a grave-maker":
59 the houses that he makes last till doomsday. Go, get
60 thee in, and fetch me a stoup of liquor.
61 In youth, when I did love, did love,
62 Methought it was very sweet,
63 To contract, O, the time, for, ah, my behove,
64 O, methought, there was nothing meet.
HAMLET
65 Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he
66 sings at grave-making?
HORATIO
67 Custom hath made it in him a property of
68 easiness.
HAMLET
69 'Tis e'en so: the hand of little employment hath
70 the daintier sense.
First Clown
71 But age, with his stealing steps,
72 Hath claw'd me in his clutch,
73 And hath shipped me into the land,
74 As if I had never been such.
HAMLET
75 That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once:
76 how the knave jowls it to the ground, as if it were
77 Cain's jaw-bone, that did the first murder! It
78 might be the pate of a politician, which this ass
79 now o'er-reaches; one that would circumvent God,
80 might it not?
HORATIO
81 It might, my lord.
HAMLET
82 Or of a courtier; which could say "Good
83 morrow, sweet lord! How dost thou, good
84 lord?" This might be my lord such-a-one,
85 that praised my lord such-a-one's horse,
86 when he meant to beg it; might it not?
HORATIO
87 Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
88 Why, e'en so: and now my Lady Worm's;
89 chapless, and
knocked about the mazzard
90 with a sexton's spade. Here's fine revolution,
91 and we had the trick to see't. Did these bones
92 cost no more the breeding, but to play at loggats
93 with 'em? mine ache to think on't.
First Clown
94 "A pick-axe, and a spade, a spade,
95 For and a shrouding sheet:
96 O, a pit of clay for to be made
97 For such a guest is meet."
HAMLET
98 There's another: why may not that be the skull of
99 a lawyer? Where be his quiddities now, his quillities,
100 his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? Why does he
101 suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the
102 sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of
103 his action of battery? Hum! This fellow might be
104 in's time a great buyer of land, with his statutes,
105 his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers,
106 his recoveries: is this the fine of his fines, and
107 the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate
108 full of fine dirt? will his vouchers vouch him no more
109 of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length
110 and breadth of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances
111 of his lands will hardly lie in this box; and must the inheritor
112 himself have no more, ha?
HORATIO
113 Not a jot more, my lord.
HAMLET
114 Is not parchment made of sheepskins?
HORATIO
115 Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too.
HAMLET
116 They are sheep and calves which seek out
117 assurance in that. I will speak to this fellow.
118 Whose grave's this, sirrah?
First Clown
119 Mine, sir.
120 "O, a pit of clay for to be made
121 For such a guest is meet."
HAMLET
122 I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.
First Clown
123 You lie out on't, sir, and therefore it is not yours:
124 for my part, I do not lie in't, and yet it is mine.
HAMLET
125 Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say it is thine:
126 'tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou
127 liest.
First Clown
128 'Tis a quick lie, sir; 'twill away gain, from me to
129 you.
HAMLET
130 What man dost thou dig it for?
First Clown
131 For no man, sir.
HAMLET
132 What woman, then?
First Clown
133 For none, neither.
HAMLET
134 Who is to be buried in't?
First Clown
135 One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul,
136 she's dead.
HAMLET
137 How absolute the knave is! we must speak by the card,
138 or equivocation will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio,
139 these three years I have taken a note of it; the age is
140 grown so pick'd that the toe of the peasant comes so
141 near the heel of the courtier, he galls his kibe. How long
142 hast thou been a grave-maker?
First Clown
143 Of all the days i' the year, I came to't that day
144 that our last king Hamlet overcame Fortinbras.
HAMLET
145 How long is that since?
First Clown
146 Cannot you tell that? every fool can tell that: it
147 was the very day that young Hamlet was born;
148 he that is mad, and sent into England.
HAMLET
149 Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?
First Clown
150 Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his
151 wits there; or, if he do not, it's no great matter
152 there.
HAMLET
153 Why?
First Clown
154 'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men
155 are as mad as he.
HAMLET
156 How came he mad?
First Clown
157 Very strangely, they say.
HAMLET
158 How strangely?
First Clown
159 Faith, e'en with losing his wits.
HAMLET
160 Upon what ground?
First Clown
161 Why, here in Denmark: I have been sexton
162 here, man and boy, thirty years.
HAMLET
163 How long will a man lie i' the earth ere he
164 rot?
First Clown
165 I' faith, if he be not rotten before he die—as we
166 have many pocky corses now-a-days, that will scarce
167 hold the laying in—he will last you some eight year
168 or nine year: a tanner will last you nine year.
HAMLET
169 Why he more than another?
First Clown
170 Why, sir, his hide is so tanned with his trade, that
171 he will keep out water a great while; and your water
172 is a sore decayer of your whoreson dead body.
173 Here's a skull now; this skull has lain in the earth
174 three and twenty years.
HAMLET
175 Whose was it?
First Clown
176 A whoreson mad fellow's it was: whose do you think
177 it was?
HAMLET
178 Nay, I know not.
First Clown
179 A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! a' poured a
180 flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same skull,
181 sir, was Yorick's skull, the king's jester.
HAMLET
182 This?
First Clown
183 E'en that.
HAMLET
184 Let me see.
185 Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of
186 infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me
187 on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred
188 in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it. Here hung
189 those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where
190 be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your
191 flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on
192 a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite
193 chop-fallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell
194 her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come;
195 make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.
HORATIO
196 What's that, my lord?
HAMLET
197 Dost thou think Alexander looked o' this fashion i'
198 the earth?
HORATIO
199 E'en so.
HAMLET
200 And smelt so? pah!
HORATIO
201 E'en so, my lord.
HAMLET
202 To what base uses we may return, Horatio!
203 Why may not imagination trace the noble dust
204 of Alexander, till he find it stopping a bung-hole?
HORATIO
205 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider
206 so.
HAMLET
207 No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with
208 modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as
209 thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried,
210 Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of
211 earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he
212 was converted, might they not stop a beer-barrel?
213 Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay,
214 Might stop a hole to keep the wind away:
215 O, that that earth, which kept the world in awe,
216 Should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw!
217 But soft! but soft awhile: here comes the king.
Enter KING, QUEEN, LAERTES,
*** [a Priest, courtiers,] and the corse. Full Summary
218 The queen, the courtiers. Who is this they follow?
219 And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken
220 The corse they follow did with desperate hand
221 Fordo its own life: 'twas of some estate.
222 Couch we awhile, and mark.
[Hamlet and Horatio step aside and observe.]
LAERTES
223 What ceremony else?
HAMLET
224 That is Laertes, a very noble youth: mark.
LAERTES
225 What ceremony else?
Priest
226 Her obsequies have been as far enlarged
227 As we have warranty: her death was doubtful;
228 And, but that great command o'ersways the order,
229 She should in ground unsanctified have lodged
230 Till the last trumpet: for charitable prayers,
231 Shards, flints and pebbles should be thrown on her;
232 Yet here she is allow'd her virgin crants,
233 Her maiden strewments and the bringing home
234 Of bell and burial.
LAERTES
235 Must there no more be done?
Priest
235 No more be done!
236 We should profane the service of the dead
237 To sing a requiem and such rest to her
238 As to peace-parted souls.
LAERTES
238 Lay her i' the earth:
239 And from her fair and unpolluted flesh
240 May violets spring! I tell thee, churlish priest,
241 A ministering angel shall my sister be,
242 When thou liest howling.
HAMLET
242 What, the fair Ophelia!
QUEEN
243 Sweets to the sweet: farewell!
244 I hop'd thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife.
245 I thought thy bride-bed to have deck'd, sweet maid,
246 And not have strew'd thy grave.
LAERTES
246 O, treble woe
247 Fall ten times treble on that cursed head,
248 Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense
249 Deprived thee of! Hold off the earth awhile,
250 Till I have caught her once more in mine arms:
251 Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead,
252 Till of this flat a mountain you have made,
253 To o'ertop old Pelion, or the skyish head
254 Of blue Olympus.
HAMLET [Coming forward.]
254 What is he whose grief
255 Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow
256 Conjures the wand'ring stars, and makes them stand
257 Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,
258 Hamlet the Dane.
LAERTES
259 The devil take thy soul!
HAMLET
259 Thou pray'st not well.
260 I prithee, take thy fingers from my throat;
261 For, though I am not splenitive and rash,
262 Yet have I something in me dangerous,
263 Which let thy wisdom fear: hold off thy hand.
KING
264 Pluck them asunder.
QUEEN
264 Hamlet, Hamlet!
All
264 Gentlemen—
HORATIO
265 Good my lord, be quiet.
[They are parted and come out of the grave.]
HAMLET
266 Why, I will fight with him upon this theme
267 Until my eyelids will no longer wag.
QUEEN
268 O my son, what theme?
HAMLET
269 I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers
270 Could not, with all their quantity of love,
271 Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?
KING
272 O, he is mad, Laertes.
QUEEN
273 For love of God, forbear him.
HAMLET
274 'Swounds, show me what thou'lt do:
275 Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't tear thyself?
276 Woo't drink up eisel? eat a crocodile?
277 I'll do't. Dost thou come here to whine?
278 To outface me with leaping in her grave?
279 Be buried quick with her, and so will I:
280 And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
281 Millions of acres on us, till our ground,
282 Singeing his pate against the burning zone,
283 Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth,
284 I'll rant as well as thou.
QUEEN
284 This is mere madness:
285 And thus awhile the fit will work on him;
286 Anon, as patient as the female dove,
287 When that her golden couplets are disclosed,
288 His silence will sit drooping.
HAMLET
288 Hear you, sir;
289 What is the reason that you use me thus?
290 I loved you ever: but it is no matter;
291 Let Hercules himself do what he may,
292 The cat will mew and dog will have his day.
KING
293 I pray you, good Horatio, wait upon him.
294 Strengthen your patience in our last night's speech;
295 We'll put the matter to the present push.
296 Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.
297 This grave shall have a living monument:
298 An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;
299 Till then, in patience our proceeding be.